Lewinsky was suicidal post-Clinton scandal

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After 10 years of almost complete silence following one of the biggest modern political sex scandals, Monica Lewinsky is opening up about her affair with former President Clinton and revealing she was suicidal after the news broke in 1998.

In excerpts released Tuesday from a soon-to-be published opinion piece in Vanity Fair, Lewinsky writes, “It’s time to burn the beret and bury the blue dress.”

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The ex-White House intern, now 40, says while she never attempted to kill herself, she was “suicidal” and her mother stayed by her bed every night. “The shame, the scorn, and the fear that had been thrown at her daughter left her afraid that I would take my own life — a fear that I would be literally humiliated to death,” says Lewinsky.

Lewinsky says her current goal “is to get involved with efforts on behalf of victims of online humiliation and harassment and to start speaking on this topic in public forums.”

She denies being paid off by the Clintons in exchange for her silence, saying, “I can assure you that nothing could be further from the truth.”

“Sure, my boss took advantage of me, but I will always remain firm on this point: it was a consensual relationship,” the California native writes.

Lewinsky says she “remained virtually reclusive” during Hillary Clinton’s 2008 presidential campaign and “put off announcing several media projects in 2012 until after the election.”

The projects were ultimately canceled. She says speculation that the former secretary of State may make another White House bid has left her “gun-shy yet again, fearful of ‘becoming an issue’ should she decide to ramp up her campaign. But should I put my life on hold for another 8 to 10 years?”

Lewinsky’s full essay in the June issue of Vanity Fair hits newsstands nationwide on May 13.