Were you recently elected to Congress? Do you want a few tips on how to cheat on your spouse? If so, pick up this month’s issue of Playboy magazine.
The June issue features an anonymous author’s article for how to sleep around — and get away with it.
Most of the tips are pretty straightforward: Avoid dating constituents, staffers and call girls.
Set your sights, if you must, on “lobbyists
and current and former members of Congress,” and even then, keep it clean: No bondage or kink.
As for where to meet up with a paramour, the author recommends “the Ritz-Carlton, the St. Regis and the Willard,” noting “you are paying for discretion, so be sure to tip the concierge and doorman well.”
Conspicuously absent from that list is the Mayflower, still haunted by Eliot Spitzer (or Client No. 9).
Another juicy tidbit from Hef’s guide to D.C.: “Particularly avoid [meeting dates at] both D.C. Morton’s locations, the Monocle Restaurant and the Capital Grille.”
Two final tips: “Don’t forget [to remove] your congressional lapel button” before going out, and “stick to the daytime,” for trysts, when members can “claim [they] were attending a cap-and-trade-policy briefing.”
For a member’s perspective on Capitol canoodling, ITK caught up with Utah Rep. (and very good husband) Jason Chaffetz (R) to ask how much of the article rings true for the current freshman class.
“Temptations abound in Washington, and the best thing you can do is just to stay in constant contact with your spouse. My wife and I communicate about a dozen times a day.”
Chaffetz also sleeps in his office during the week, a strategy he says helps him “stay focused on work and avoid having to deal with visitors” after hours.
Speaking of after hours, Chaffetz said he’s heartened by how many of his new colleagues he sees working out in the House gym at night, “keeping their noses clean.”
As for how this class of lawmakers approaches Washington’s many temptations, Chaffetz thinks they’ve got at least one big advantage. “One of the overarching themes of this freshman class, I think, is how many of them view their time in Washington as a temporary thing. It’s like a deployment, not a 35-year career.
“Of course, while they’re here, there are sharks in every body of water, and the legislative body is no exception,” he added.