altFormer Sen. Alan Simpson (R-Wyo.) divulges that he was once so totally ticked at Sen. Tom Harkin (D-Iowa) that the two almost took each other to town: “Old Harkin’s eyes were spouting fire. He mumbled and smirked and laid a couple of good verbal shots on me and left the chamber.”

The revelations of near fisticuffs are part of an upcoming book, Shooting From the Lip, penned by Simpson’s longtime staffer, Donald Loren Hardy.

Between tales of exchanging obscenities with a rival, cracking jokes about toilet paper, and being concerned about a sticky, white substance on your pants – the bio at times seems it may be the memoirs of Beavis or Butthead, rather than a respected lawmaker.

The book is based largely on the ex-Senate majority whip’s nineteen-volume diary he kept while in office.

While there are too many incredibly un-PC tidbits to list here, some other highlights include the Wyoming Republican’s tendency to multi-task – getting dressed for an evening event while brushing his teeth:

“One evening he was walking out of his office when he looked down to discover a large blob of white toothpaste hanging from the zipper of his pants. ‘My God,’ he gasped. “What if I hadn’t seen that? Can you imagine what people would think?”

Another excerpt details a crude joke Simpson made about toilet paper that President Reagan apparently got a kick out of.

And back to that fight with Harkin, which ultimately ended peacefully, Simpson writes, “Harkin kept us up late last night with his antics…He grinds my rump.”

An open discussion of rump grinding – now this is the stuff a gossip columnist’s dreams are made of! Shooting From the Lip is set to be released in September.