Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) joked that Secretary of State John Kerry was doing a "sh---y job" since moving on from the Senate during a speech to the Council of the Americas at the State Department on Wednesday.

ITK was certainly surprised this week at the level of shock Sen. Dick Durbin (D-Ill.) expressed when we asked what he thought about New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie’s (R) revelation that he had lap band surgery in February.

The normally cool, calm, and collected Durbin whipped his head around and gasped, “Lap, what?!”

“Lap band surgery,” your ITK columnist repeated slowly and with pronunciation skills that would make a speech pathologist proud.

Durbin’s facial expression following the Tuesday Senate party policy luncheons then turned from complete confusion to a wide grin.

“Oh,” he responded sheepishly, “I thought you said something else.”

ITK presents, without comment, this photo of one-time “Batman” star Val Kilmer.

Kilmer, 53, posted the photo of his newly styled locks on his Twitter account Thursday, writing:

New hair do for my new job as lobbyist twitter.com/ValEKilmer/sta…

— Val Kilmer (@ValEKilmer) May 9, 2013

SPOTTED: Eva Longoria getting ready to testify Wednesday at a Senate Small Business and Entrepreneurship Committee hearing called “Strengthening the Entrepreneurial Ecosystem for Minority Women.”

The “Desperate Housewives” star has become quite a fixture in Washington. Longoria made the rounds in the nation’s capital the weekend of the presidential inauguration. The actress was a co-chair of President Obama’s inauguration committee.

Photos: Anne Wernikoff

Former Rep. Cynthia McKinney’s (D-Ga.) new book predictably goes after Republicans, but the former lawmaker also goes after President Obama and House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.).

McKinney complains that Pelosi blocked her from getting on a key committee. Yet she reserves most of her friendly-fire criticisms for the commander in chief on his policies in the Middle East, ripping what she sees as Obama’s cozy relationship with Israel. McKinney also mocks Obama’s 2008 presidential message of hope and change as a “slick marketing campaign.”

The description of McKinney’s book is nothing if not ... dramatic.

The book, titled Ain’t Nothing Like Freedom, hit shelves in March. But a website touting the book from the publisher, Clarity Press Inc., sounds like a literary soap opera.

Cindy McCain will be unable to escort Prince Harry around the Capitol on Thursday because of a medical issue, Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) told The Hill.

“America’s Most Wanted” host John Walsh is frustrated with the nation’s lawmakers, saying, “Capitol Hill is mired in the most idiotic gridlock I’ve ever seen in 31 years.”

The television personality calls the recent defeat of gun control legislation and lack of additional background check measures “unconscionable,” questioning, “How can these people that we elected to go up there – 80 percent of the public is for background checks — and these members of Congress are going to kill that bill? It’s unacceptable.”

ITK caught up with the co-founder of the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children at the organization’s Hope Awards gala on Tuesday.

Michelle Obama is getting in on the "Kaepernicking" craze.

Matthew Perry is becoming a Capitol Hill regular.

Less than two months since his last visit to Washington, the “Friends” alum was back in the nation’s capital Monday, as he once again lobbied lawmakers to expand and fund the national drug courts program.

Despite his multiple trips to D.C., Perry — who cracked to The Hill during his last visit that he “had been to rehab too many times to run for office,” — says he fell into the activist role. "I rallied here two years ago for this issue, and I saw that Martin Sheen was there ... He told me that I was an activist now, and I turned to somebody and asked them what an activist was."