Soft and gentle Oval Office

All I can say is thank heaven for my DVR. Otherwise I would have missed the first couple of innings of the Washington Nationals game. And for what? For President Obama throwing puffballs in his first play from the Oval Office.

There he was. The president of the United States, in the Oval Office, telling us he was mad as heck. He couldn't even work up a "mad as hell,” as he assured us he simply will "refuse" to let this destructive oil spill destroy the Gulf way of life.

And what was with his rambling about how they "bless the fleet" down there? Maybe it had something to do with his meeting with the BP executives. Maybe it’s the ceremonial blessing of their fleet of corporate jets, the ones that whisk them to and from their mansions in the Hamptons. (You want to stop the oil gusher? Just let the first tar balls reach the Hamptons’ beaches. Then we'll have results!)

Quick: What's the difference between this disaster and Hurricane Katrina? Katrina was caused by an act of God. The BP destruction was caused by oil company executives who think they're gods. That's who the president has invited over to the White House. Presumably they won't be sitting down for a beer.

So now we'll have a victims fund, paid for out of BP's petty cash. It will be independently administered, meaning that the independent administrators will immediately set up a bureaucracy that will see to it compensation is delayed for individuals, families and their businesses until way after they've gone under.

Meanwhile, the most important part of the president's Oval Office address, the part about how we must change our evil oil-guzzling ways, fell on deaf ears. Ours.

In fairness, he has appointed a new head of the Minerals Management Service (MMS) as part of his "Kick Ass" campaign.

Michael Bromwich is a former Justice Department official who is known for his ability to do just that. And there are certainly plenty of opportunities for him at MMS. Maybe his first act would be to put a moratorium on the agency's oil company-sponsored sex parties. Just thinking. And remember: I'm not making that up.

I should mention that the Nats lost last night. The people of the Gulf are losing too. We all are.

Visit Mr. Franken's website at www.bobfranken.tv.