Obama addresses Congress

Madam Speaker, Mr. Vice President,

Thank you for inviting me to address this joint session of Congress.

I hope you all had a nice August break. I know I did. I had a chance to visit some great Americans out west, my kids got a chance to see Yellowstone, I got a chance to do some fishing and get some golf in at the Vineyard.

Sad about our colleague Ted Kennedy. He was a great American, and of course, without him, I wouldn’t be standing here today.

But I am pretty refreshed from my summer vacation, and now I am ready to start working on healthcare reform.

I know some of you had a chance to talk to the American people about our plan.

Or should I say your plan.

And, from what my good friend David Axelrod tells me, they don’t like your plan very much.

So, as your former colleague, Rahm Emanuel would say, too bad.

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back into the fight.

I know that a majority of you in the body won’t agree to a government takeover of healthcare. I know that now, after getting the hell beat out of me over the last couple of months.

I sure wish Uncle Ted would have warned about this before he left us. But he didn’t and he isn’t here to pick up the pieces. So we have to do this on our own.

I know. I know. It will be hard. But I think we can do this, together.

To my Republicans friends, let me just say, well, you were right.

We shouldn’t have ever tried to have the government take over healthcare.

So, in order to get this back on track, I have a simple promise: We are ditching the public option.

Just act like it never happened. Let’s just pretend that we can erase the last five months.  Those bills that were marked up in the House committees and the Senate HELP Committee? Let’s just throw those out and start fresh.

To my liberal friends, including my good friend, Nancy Pelosi, who is standing right behind me, let me just say, Sorry. I know you were worked hard on this. But it ain’t gonna happen.

Now Nancy, don’t be like that. Nancy? Nancy, stop it. Security!!!! Nancy, put that gavel down. Put it down Nancy. Give me that damn thing. OK. I know you are disappointed.  But I can have you thrown in jail for that kind of activity. You need to control yourself.  Joe, do something, would ya? For God’s sake, make yourself useful.

OK, now I know some of you are disappointed. But let’s face it. We overreached.

We tried to take over the banking sector, the energy sector, the auto industry, and now the healthcare industry. We spent too much, too quickly, and the country wasn’t ready for it.

Well, anyway, I hope you all had a nice break. It’s time to get back to work. If you send me a bill with the public option, I will veto it. But I am not worried about that. You won’t be able to pass one.

Anyway, good night and God bless America.

Visit www.thefeeherytheory.com.