I am sorry

Here is what Joe Wilson should say on the floor next week:

Madam Speaker,

I am sorry that I offended you, Madam Speaker, in any way, shape or form.

I am sorry I called the president a liar on the House floor last week.

I am sorry that the president called Sarah Palin a liar on the floor last week.

I was confused about the Democrats’ real position when it comes to illegal aliens and healthcare. They call Republicans bigots when we say we don’t want illegal aliens to get healthcare, and then when we say that they support giving illegal aliens healthcare, they say that they don’t and then call us liars.

I am sorry to be so confused about your position on illegal aliens getting healthcare in this country.

I am sorry that I was so frustrated that the president said his plan wouldn’t add a dime to the deficit. I am sorry because the CBO has said that the Democrats’ plan would add more than a trillion dollars to the deficit.

I guess the president has another plan that I haven’t seen yet. I am sorry that I haven’t seen it.

I am also sorry when I got angry when the president said that he planned on being the last president to deal with healthcare reform. I must admit that I didn’t know what he meant by that. Did he mean that the bill that passes the Congress this year is going to be so good that no other Congress will ever have to deal with it again? Or does he mean that the end of days is coming, and that after he is done being president, none of us will have to see a doctor, because you don’t need a doctor on Judgment Day?

I am sorry that I am from South Carolina. It really isn’t my fault that I am from South Carolina, but if that offends you in any way, I am sorry.

I am sorry that I speak with a Southern accent. That is how my mother raised me, but if that offends you, I am sorry.

I am sorry I am against the government takeover of the healthcare industry, the automobile industry, the financial-services industry, the energy sector, the fast-food industry and just about any other industry out there. I am sorry about that, but I won’t budge.

I am sorry that Charlie Rangel doesn’t pay his taxes but still is the chairman of the Ways and Means Committee, which, of course, is in charge of imposing taxes on the rest of America.

I am very sorry that my first couple of apologies weren’t good enough and that we have to waste time on the House floor seeing if you can get me to apologize one more time.

I am sorry that some might reach the conclusion that the Speaker of the House is making me say that I am sorry again so that my opponent might raise even more money for the next election.

I am sorry that my opponent still doesn’t have much of a chance to beat me, because President Obama just isn’t very popular in my district with more than half of my constituents.

I am sorry if that offends you in any way.

I am mostly sorry that I blurted out on the House floor something that most of my Republican colleagues and more than a few of my Democratic colleagues were thinking.

I think the devil made me do it.

I shouldn’t have done it. And for that I am very sorry.

Visit www.thefeeherytheory.com.