I have only one question for President Bush and this absurd immigration "reform" proposal he cooked up with Uncle Teddy:

"Mr. President, why do you hate the Republican Party?"

Clearly, the president bears great animosity toward the GOP, which elected him twice. What else could possibly explain not only a lax immigration bill that legalizes nearly 12 million illegal immigrants but a bill so liberal that Senatuh Kennedy would do high kicks and cartwheels for it?

Ah, a clue (and a new conspiracy theory). We elected Dubya twice. Is this immigration bill payback for Republicans who gave the presidency to Bill Clinton by voting for Ross Perot over Papa Bush? 

Honestly, this sort of ill treatment of conservatives by the president is of a level we haven't seen since the movie "War of the Roses." What went wrong in this relationship? Who said what first? And would someone please tell me who gets custody of Tony Snow? Between us, I really don't think the president is fit to properly care for Tony. He belongs with us — with conservatives who just want to live in a country with smaller government, not an expansion of No Child Left Behind or a new war czar.

Things used to be so great between us. Sure, the prez had his quirks, but they were endearing. Now, they just grate on our nerves. I guess one day it's possible we'll run into one another on the street and remember only the good things — like Shock and Awe.

Katie Morosky Gardner: Wouldn't it be wonderful if we were old? Then we could say we survived all this. Everything would be uncomplicated, the way it was when we were young. Hubbell Gardner: Katie, it was never uncomplicated.

I guess if we're honest, conservatives' relationship with George W. Bush was never uncomplicated. Now, it may be irreconcilable.