President to throw down with Bobby Flay

WASHINGTON — The Associated Press reports today that President Barack Obama will make an appearance on the Food Network show “Throwdown with Bobby Flay” and four other network shows in order to carry his message on healthcare reform to all those who need to cook more but eat less.

White House press secretary Robert Gibbs made the announcement this afternoon, on the heels of the comment by South Carolina Sen. Lindsey Graham (R) that the president has appeared on every network but the Food channel.

Gibbs said, “Sen. Graham was right. We have appeared on every network except for the Food Network — except, of course, Fox — and we got to talking among ourselves and the president, and he asked, ‘Well, why wouldn’t I appear on the Food Network?’ and we didn’t have an answer. He didn’t have too much else on his calendar, and this hits all the right demographics for us. The fact of the matter is that the president is a very talented chef in his own right … he makes a mean arugula risotto … and since we need to get our message everywhere, we decided to make some time in his schedule.”

Besides “Throwdown,” the president will appear on “Barefoot Contessa,” “Extreme Cuisine with Jeff Corwin,” “Giada at Home” and “Rachael Ray.”

 He personally decided not to go on “Paula’s Home Cooking,” because according to White House sources, the Georgia-based Paula Deen’s cooking was not healthy enough, and her demographic skewed to the same demographic as Fox News. According to one very high-ranking source, “We are going to screw her just like we screwed Fox News.”

On “Throwdown,” the president will invite Flay into the White House, where he will challenge the well-known chef to throw down on Kare Ayam, a tasty chicken curry he learned from his friends in Indonesia. According to another well-placed source, “The president is in the throwdown to win it, and he wants to throw Flay off his game with an obscure Indonesian recipe.”

On “Giada at Home,” the president will unveil his now-famous arugula risotto. He is also said to be very excited to talk to Jeff Corwin on his “Extreme Cuisine” show. Another source said that while the show has “extreme” in the title, they believe that it hits all right notes when it comes to conservation and healthy eating.

Another source said that the president plans on asking Rachael Ray to stop endorsing Dunkin’ Donuts and its lattes. “The fact of the matter is that we have too many fat people eating Dunkin’ Donuts. Rachel has a few problems with her own weight and she doesn’t need to make the problem worse for the rest of America. People look to her to lead on their food choices. She should start leading.”

The president is also visiting with the Barefoot Contessa, Ina Gartner, for one simple reason. She used to work in Jimmy Carter’s White House, where she handled nuclear policy. “We don’t particularly love the show, but if we didn’t do her show, all kinds of stories would be out there about how we are dissing Jimmy Carter. We don’t want to go through that again.”

Republicans were a bit mystified as to why the president would waste a couple of days doing these cooking shows. Sen. Graham put it this way: “I am amazed that the president’s people would react so quickly to one throwaway line from me. Doesn’t he have anything better to do?”