The Obama holiday card

Remember during the early primaries when the moderator would pose some question and ask the gaggle of candidates for a demeaning show of hands? Well, not to be outdone in the Asinine Department, let's have another one.

How many have gotten seasonal cards that include a note from the senders chronicling their families' past year? Raise those hands.

Ah. Most of you. Now. How many welcome those personal reports? It looks like about half of you. Which is no surprise. Some love them, some consider them way more than they want to know.

Since most didn't get a card from the Obamas this year, we can only wonder if they included a perky report to fill in everyone who thought they had dropped out of sight and wondered what was going on in their lives:

"Michelle, Malia, Sasha and I send Seasons Greetings and a wish that you enjoy a prosperous New Year, in contrast to the desperation you've been experiencing.

“In contrast to your months and months of unemployment and the foreclosure, I took on a new job and the entire family moved into a new house.

“It's beautiful, although it's a little over-decorated. On the plus-side it does have a mother-in-law suite which has come in handy, and I use one of the rooms as a home office.

“Telecommuting is great, particularly since I still get to travel a lot. What I don't understand is why everyone complains about the Washington area traffic jams. Whenever any of us takes a drive, we just zip right to our destination.

“Obviously the first decision had to do with our daughters’ education. We weren't about to expose them to the public system. Obviously. So it came down to home or private schooling.

“Our biggest concern was the socialization. Would the girls be denied the necessary interaction with other children from a diverse background? Finally we decided to risk it and take our chances with a private education. Already they have both begun the networking that will be so valuable later in life.

“They are going to an exclusive academy called Sidwell Friends. And in fact, the teachers and administrators are truly friendly. They even gave Sasha and Malia an excused absence on Jan. 20, when I started my new job.

“What a whirlwind the year has been! There have been more trips than anyone could imagine. Too many to describe. Michelle has spent a lot of time gardening in the backyard. I got an award I probably didn't deserve, but that happens a lot in my line of work.

“Our social life has run the gamut, from a little outdoor beer party this summer for a few of the guys, to this really big bash we threw in November.

“I met this great couple...she is this beautiful blonde...she said something about being a cheerleader or TV performer. I believe they own a winery and are into Polo. I think he was wearing a very expensive watch.

“Health-wise, it's been a routine year although it's a struggle to stay in shape. There hasn't been as much basketball, particularly since some of the women say they should be allowed to play.

“Other than that, we've managed to avoid any medical emergencies. Just the usual sniffles and the like. And we have doctors at our disposal whenever we need them. That is a great perk. I honestly wonder how most people handle their healthcare.

“Well, that's it. We could probably think of some other stuff, but I think we've included the year's highlights.

“So here's wishing you the best from all of us with the solemn hope that 2010 brings you some change you can believe in.”

Meanwhile, let's all raise our hands and wave a fond farewell to 2009. No, no, no. You need to raise the ENTIRE hand."

Visit Mr. Franken's website at www.bobfranken.tv.