A word to our future prez: Start grooming

Making over a presidential candidate is no easy feat. Fix the hair. Trim the eyebrows. Lose the long pants.
What?

The Grooming Lounge, D.C.’s day spa for men, claims to have predicted the past three presidential winners based on candidates’ grooming habits and, more specifically, the condition of the candidates’ eyebrows. On Tuesday morning The Lounge released its suggestions for the current contenders and said he who follows their advice will win.

Owners Michael Gilman and Pirooz Sarshar offer tips to Sens. John McCainJohn McCainSenators to Obama: Make 'timely' call on Afghan troops levels Overnight Defense: Pentagon denies troops on Syrian front lines | Senators push for more Afghan visas McCain files B amendment to boost defense spending MORE (R-Ariz.) and Barack ObamaBarack ObamaJohn Bolton slams Obama’s ‘shameful apology tour’ Miss. governor to join lawsuit against Obama transgender policy North Korea calls Obama’s Hiroshima trip ‘childish’ MORE (D-Ill.) based on what they see as primary grooming needs.

McCain’s big challenge? His eyebrows. Calling them “eyebrows of mass destruction,” Gilman and Sarshar say McCain needs to trim his “caterpillars to stay in the race.” They also say he should “embrace his baldness” and go with a more military hairdo.

Another tip: Go tanning. Perhaps he can borrow his running mate Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin’s tanning bed for a bronzing session. “There are certainly concerns about age and health,” say The Lounge’s owners. “Some of this could be eased if he would use a subtle self-tanning product.”

Obama also has grooming challenges.

Gilman and Sarshar insist Obama should cover up his salt-and-pepper hair and blend his grey for a younger effect. They also believe he needs to loose the full-length sweat pants he has worn when he plays basketball and instead opt for long shorts. “Does he have three knees?” they ask.

A final tip for Obama: Add glasses.

There is also grooming advice for Obama’s running mate Sen. Joe BidenJoe BidenClinton urged to go liberal with vice presidential pick Biden will host cancer research summit in DC Reid throws wrench into Clinton vice presidential picks MORE (D-Del.) and Palin’s husband Todd.

Advice for Biden: Clean up the “rat’s nest” of a hairstyle and cut the flyaways. The Lounge’s owners also believe he should avoid neckwear, as his “choices have been too random and out of style.”

And for Todd Palin? The main piece of advice is to get rid of the goatee. “Such a goatee makes him look a bit collegiate and reflects poorly on Gov. Palin’s inexperienced image,” they say. They also want him to use less of his “crunchy” hair gel and go for a more mature look.