Unplugged: 50 Most Beautiful nominations

Most of the nominations that come into The Hill for its annual 50 Most Beautiful People issue bear just the facts: name, photo, place of employment. Others, however, go into great detail about the proposed beauty. This feature is a nod to those people who took the time to put forth their most convincing — and amusing — arguments for placing their nominees on this year’s list. 

Hollywood’s loss, Washington’s gain

This [STATE] native is beautiful enough for MTV’s “The Hills,” but she’s so bright that she’s landed herself on Capitol Hill instead. Your loss is our gain, Hollywood. I nominate [NAME], scheduler and executive assistant to [MEMBER OF CONGRESS]. Recently promoted from staff assistant, her enthusiasm is downright contagious as she works tirelessly to go above and beyond her daily responsibilities, all the while maintaining her glowing complexion and shiny hair. Pantene gone political, if you will. [NAME] loves working with fellow [STATE NATIVES] who bring her back to her roots in [CITY]. This beautiful brunette’s earnest work ethic on the job is as natural as her beauty. And a natural she is at many things, including her favorite pastime — rowing. Due to a recent shoulder reconstruction surgery (high pain tolerance, check! but we already knew that ... she works on the Hill), [NAME] has had to take a hiatus from rowing, but she has previously relied on early mornings out on the Potomac River as a way to relax her mind and pull herself away from the stresses of working. … However, she is always reminded of her love for D.C. as her crew paddles back to the docks and she sees the sun rising over the Capitol building in the morning. Picture-perfect, if you ask me. So complete YOUR picture of the 50 Most Beautiful People on the Hill by including natural beauty and all around fun girl, [NAME].

The ‘little nugget’

We are submitting [NAME] for 50 most beautiful people. This little nugget is a staff assistant in [MEMBER OF CONGRESS’S] office. As a [UNIVERSITY] grad he brings Southern charm to the front office and enjoys serenading the ladies with his [SOUTHERN STATE] twang. In his spare time he enjoys huntin’, fishin’ and playin’ 3rd base.

Please pick [NAME],


The Mountain Man

Dear Hill Editors,

I understand you’re looking for beautiful. Poised. Ruggedly handsome.

Have I got the man for you.

[NAME] is the chief of staff to [MEMBER OF CONGRESS]. He’s been on Capitol Hill for a number of years, and wherever he goes he leaves scores of swooning staffers in his wake.

Check out this professional pose as he struts his stuff in the Rayburn Courtyard. The definition of handsome!

[NAME] is comfortable among the common man and royalty alike. Here he is meeting with Jordan’s King Abdullah. Probably giving him advice on handsomeness.

Some people read books or watch TV to relax. Not [NAME]. He climbs mountains. Here he is atop Kilimanjaro. This picture is terrible, but it proves he was there. 

Also, I think you’ll agree that his rugged good lucks [sic] shine through even though it was about 8 degrees up there.

Hell, even Bactrian camels like him, and they’re notoriously picky. But [NAME’S] good looks are acknowledged across the animal kingdom.

I hope you will give him all due consideration. 

Immortalized in a painting

Hello again. Earlier today I nominated my husband, [NAME] ([MEMBER OF CONGRESS’S] office), but didn’t have a great picture to attach. I have attached a photo I snapped of an oil painting of [NAME]. Yes, that’s right. An oil painting. This man is so good looking an artist actually rendered him immortal in paint. How can you say no to this? It would be irresponsible journalism to deny your readers the pleasure of his image.

In addition to being really ridiculously good looking, [NAME] is also an Eagle Scout, a Phi Beta Kappa, an avid reader, golfer and softball player extraordinaire.

The Senate’s best hair — since Edwards

This man has the best hair in the Senate since John Edwards. He reminds his coworkers of this fact because he runs his hands through his hair 10 times per minute. He also has a good personality, but that’s not necessary to be beautiful — right?

Redhead extinction

Good afternoon. I would like to nominate [NAME] for a position on your 50 Most Beautiful list. 

This nomination is not being suggested to benefit [NAME] but rather for the good of the country as we potentially face a silent global crisis — redheads being extinct by 2060 and thus absent from any 50 MB lists from that point on. 

By promoting her on this list, The Hill would be credited with helping bring national attention and exposure to the ongoing debate/myth on whether or not redheads are actually headed for extinction.