Unplugged: Funny 50MB submissions

Most of the nominations that come into The Hill for its annual 50 Most Beautiful People issue bear just the facts: name, photo, place of employment. Others, however, go into great detail about the proposed beauty. This feature is a nod to those people who took the time to put forth their most convincing — and amusing — arguments for placing their nominees on this year’s list.

• Dearest 50 Most Beautiful on the Hill:

Twilight’s Edward Cullen (Robert Patterson) [sic] is a known heartthrob …

Did you know that the Hill has its own Edward Cullen look-alike???

Yes, it’s true … Hidden in the back of the office of Congressman [NAME] of [STATE’S] fifth district … works Mr. [NAME] ... a legislative correspondent and a pretty good replica of Edward Cullen. Women stop him in the street and faint. Girls shriek with delight at his presence, and many a young female staff assistant has asked him to “bite me” in hopes of securing a future of eternity with him.

He’s a studly man with a good sense of humor, knowledge of politics and ability to pull off a pink collared shirt on the golf course.

As we don’t suspect Robert Patterson [sic] will be gracing the Rayburn Halls anytime soon, and is therefore ineligible for the contest, Twilight fans alike unite behind [NAME] being one of the Hill’s 50 Most Beautiful.

P.S. He wouldn’t pose for a picture so we had to use our resources — in person, ask any lady in our office, and he can pull off the Edward look.

• Dear the Hill:

I would like to nominate two of [MEMBER OF CONGRESS’S] Committee staff that I have had the pleasure of working with. I guess once [MEMBER OF CONGRESS] took over the Chairmanship, he decided to staff up the [HOUSE] Committee with a lot of new hotties (it’s not to say that [FORMER CHAIRMAN] didn’t have his own selection of hot staffers as well). The two I’ve selected here are not only attractive, but are some of the most friendly, hardworking, and engaging people I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. BTW they are some of the Committee staffers that are stuck in the F-bomb known as Ford, so I think they deserve some special encouragement!

• Hey — My name is [NAME] and I would like to suggest [NAME] of Rep. [NAME’s] office for your list this year. I stole some pics off of her Facebook page. She’s a good looking chick, with a laid back personality. Let me know if you have any questions, but if you don’t have to tell her who nominated her, please don’t.

 By the way, if you do interview her, ask her about winning [COLLEGE DISTINCTION] at [ALMA MATER]. She will freak out that you know.

Kris Kitto