Rep. Billy Long shows off his skills

How long would it take to auction off the nation’s $15 trillion debt? Presuming you had a buyer, the answer is about 20 seconds.

This news comes by way of former professional auctioneer and freshman Rep. Billy Long (R-Mo.), who took to the House floor on Wednesday and rolled his tongue at lightning speed, leading an imaginary bidding war up from $3 trillion to the actual debt of $14 trillion.

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“The way our debt is, [Rep.] Jeff Duncan [R-S.C.] and I are some of the few people who can actually keep up with the numbers,” Long said. 

Long still owns Billy Long Auctions LLC, which auctions a variety of items. Long’s fellow freshman Duncan specialized in real estate auctions.

But no matter, because when Long began “auctioning” the national debt, it was all a blur.

“Do I see 7, 7, 7 trillion? Eight! Eight trillion, 8 trillion. Wamana wamana 9!” he warbled at warp speed.

This went on all the way up to 14 trillion, and when there were no “takers” for the “15,” Long pronounced “Fifteen? Fifteen? No? Sold! At 14 trillion.”

Red in the face from his performance, Long then explained that the good news is that all those numbers could also be said backwards, and he volunteered for the challenge. 

“When we get the spending under control here, I’ll be back.” 

ITK is very much looking forward to hearing Long do the auction in reverse.