No more monkey business for senators

Sens. Barbara Boxer (D-Calif.), David Vitter (R-La.) and Richard Blumenthal (D-Conn.) are standing up for our genetically similar, hairy friends by introducing the Captive Primate Safety Act. The measure would make it illegal to move monkeys, apes and other non-human primates across state lines in order to sell them.

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The move comes after a pet chimp attacked a woman in Connecticut back in 2009, leaving her with critical injuries.

Michael Markarian, chief operating officer for the Humane Society of the United States, supports the legislation, saying, “Primates belong in the wild, not in our basements and bedrooms.”

Note to Michael Jackson’s estate: Bubbles, you’re toast.