Rep. Steve Cohen (D-Tenn.), a Caucasian who famously failed to get into the Congressional Black Caucus (CBC), can’t be stopped in grabbing the spotlight on calling for the United States to apologize for slavery.

In a speech on the House floor Tuesday, Cohen said the Congress should follow the state of Virginia (which this week adopted such a measure unanimously) and apologize for its “brutal, inhumane system of slavery and Jim Crow laws.”

Cohen, who represents the Memphis seat previously held by Rep. Harold Ford Jr. (D-Tenn.), told The Hill in early January that he had abandoned his effort to break into the CBC, saying, “We’ll just be buddies.”

Of the many celebrities who come to Capitol Hill to press their case for legislation at media briefings, few live up to the hype. Aerobics czar Richards Simmons exceeded expectations yesterday.

For the first time in a long time (ever?), Simmons appeared in public without his trademark tank top and short shorts; he was sporting a navy suit with a blue tie.

But at a press conference yesterday on legislation sponsored by Reps. Zach Wamp (R-Tenn.) and Ron Kind (D-Wis.) on childhood obesity, Simmons did not exactly blend in.

Wamp, whose hands remained firmly planted on Simmons’s shoulders throughout the press conference, said that Simmons roamed the halls of Congress, “warning people that, much like Superman, he would’ve taken [the suit] off and talked in his tank top and shorts.”

After Simmons described the bill in detail, Wamp told him, “I wish you could speak on the floor.”

“I will!” Simmons exclaimed.

“We’ll speak for you,” Wamp quickly responded.

Simmons said that he was a quarterback in college and indicated he may run for president (tougher to tell which is more absurd).

As he left, Simmons pinched a female attendee’s waist and said, “Ooh, look at this tight body! You’re physically fit!”

House Financial Services Committee Chairman Barney Frank (D-Mass.) has a reputation for being a bit prickly, but Under the Dome thinks otherwise. In fact, we think Frank may be one of the funniest members on the Hill.

Whether he is engaged in intense battles with Fox News’s Neil Cavuto or Rep. Patrick McHenry (R-N.C.), the chairman uses humor as an effective weapon.

The latest example came on the floor yesterday when Republicans and Democrats battled over a procedural motion. 
Frank, known for his procedural tactics while in the minority, was unimpressed with GOP maneuvers on the floor.

He advised GOP members to get “more creative” with their “obstructionism,” adding, “I’ve got members falling asleep over here because they’re so bored with what you’re doing.”

Rep. Lynn Westmoreland (R-Ga.) later shot back, saying Democrats must be up late at night because they can’t be tired from overworking, mocking them for their shorter-than-anticipated congressional work weeks.

 What happens in Vegas ...

What better place to escape the stench of lobbying and ethics scandals than Vegas? And who better to school you on ethical behavior than political campaign operatives?

Campaigns & Elections magazine is hosting its “All Things Ethical” seminar at the Flamingo Hotel in Las Vegas next month. The event will feature talks about everything political consultants could hope to learn from, well, each other.

The keynote speech by Ben Ginsberg of Patton Boggs boasts a title that would send shivers down the spines of those unversed in the wisdom of politics: “The Ethics of Deception — What is the Whole Truth and When Is It Required?”

Jordan Lieberman, publisher of C&E, stresses that the seminar is serious business. On the other hand, “Anyone with a sense of humor may see the irony of holding it in Las Vegas,” he says.

C&E promises “surprise entertainment,” but more adventurous political types can round out their visit to the City That Never Asks Questions by taking in some shows at the Flamingo. During the weekend of the seminar, attendees can enjoy the comedy stylings of George Wallace (no, not that George Wallace), the zany improv hijinks of Second City, the soulful singing of Toni Braxton or the, um, whatever of “X Burlesque.”

Registration is $495 for the weekend — but you can make that up at the nickel slots, no sweat.

Ever since Watergate (and probably before then), one of Washington’s favorite parlor games is to figure out the identity of sources. But the White House is taking all the fun out of it by making it too easy and possibly taking the use of “senior administration official” to an absurd level.

In accordance with the rules the White House has set up — and also because we don’t want to be shot in the face — Under the Dome will not name whom we think this official is, but we’ll let you judge for yourself:

According to a transcript from Air Force Two, which happens to be the vice presidential ride, a “senior administration official” said this: “I’ve seen some press reporting [that] says, ‘Cheney went in to beat up on them, threaten them.’ That’s not the way I work.”

The super-secret official added, “I don’t know who writes that, or maybe somebody gets it from some source who doesn’t know what I’m doing, or isn’t involved in it. But the idea that I’d go in and threaten someone is an invalid misreading of the way I do business.”

White House Press Secretary Tony Snow, a master at working the Fourth Estate, struggled with questions on why the administration official could not be named. During his regular briefing, Snow cited “matters of confidentiality” and other terms that didn’t quite fly, before adding he didn’t want to get himself “stuck” and that he was done with the topic. 

 Mike Leavitt uncensored

Governors make up an exclusive fraternity: When they get together, they let loose and get personal.

Former Utah governor and current Health and Human Services Secretary Mike Leavitt opened up about some very intimate areas — more graphically than he probably intended — at this week’s National Governors Association meeting.

“When you get a colonoscopy, you don’t want to cut any corners,” a wise Leavitt confided to his mates (and about 100 other people). He’d been bargain-hunting, see, looking for the cheapest place to get the procedure done.

A staid Leavitt seemed a bit surprised by the uproarious laughter his remark generated. In fairness, he makes an unassailable, if overly vivid, point.