"The Daily Show" host Jon Stewart is opening up about his “secret” White House meetings with President Obama, revealing that they were far more sinister than initially reported.


“It was a roundtable meeting with the president, Elvis — still alive — Minister Farrakhan and the Area 51 alien,” Stewart told his audience, tongue firmly planted in cheek. “We opened with the traditional Saul Alinsky prayer, sucked on the blood of the righteous and took turns f**king a replica of the Reagan eye socket. The real Reagan eye socket is kept in the Smithsonian and is only f**ked on Christmas.”

Stewart was visibly annoyed by the Politico “exposé” which claimed he was invited to the White House in stealth on a couple of occasions to hear the administrations “side of the story.”

“Something is not a secret just because you don’t know about it,” Stewart pointed out, noting that his visits were “openly listed" on the White House’s public guest registry.

“I can understand if there are some folks at Fox who are concerned that any meeting that I take with a powerful individual should be disclosed lest it be considered possible collusion,” Stewart acknowledged.

“Let me say this: I have been summoned by a surprisingly wide variety of individuals over the years — from tech giants, to financial captains, to Billy Joel,” Stewart said with a smile, before adding, "True!"

"And the general thrusts of all of those meetings or phone conversations are the same: ‘Jon, why are you such an a**hole?’ 

"It was true of the meeting with the president, and it’s been true of the meetings with all those people."