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--> A midday take on what's happening in politics and how to have a sense of humor about it.*

*Ha. Haha. Hahah. Sniff. Haha. Sniff. Ha--breaks down crying hysterically.


The Hill's 12:30 Report: Trump slams Comey as 'untruthful slime ball' over new book | Five revelations from Comey's book | Trump lawyer seeks restraining order over seized records | Conservative Rep. Jim JordanJames (Jim) Daniel JordanHillicon Valley: Trump cyber strategy lets US go on offense | AT&T urges court to let Time Warner merger stand | Conservatives want wife of DOJ official to testify | Facebook, nonprofits team up to fight fake news | DC camera hacker pleads guilty FBI memos detail ‘partisan axes,’ secret conflicts behind the Russia election meddling assessment Republicans threaten to subpoena Nellie Ohr MORE weighs Speaker bid | Trump reportedly plans to pardon ex-Cheney aide | BoehnerJohn Andrew BoehnerBlue wave poses governing risks for Dems Nancy Pelosi: Will she remain the ‘Face of the Franchise’? Jordan hits campaign trail amid bid for Speaker MORE on whether he misses politics


How I imagine James ComeyJames Brien ComeyTrump vows to get rid of 'stench' at DOJ, FBI House Judiciary on NY Times article: I intend to subpoena 'McCabe Memos' Hillicon Valley: NYT says Rosenstein wanted to wear wire on Trump | Twitter bug shared some private messages | Vendor put remote-access software on voting machines | Paypal cuts ties with Infowars | Google warned senators about foreign hacks MORE reacting to the president's morning tweets, knowing it could help book sales. 




*Immediately adds 'untruthful slime ball' to my repertoire of insults*:

President TrumpDonald John TrumpHannity urges Trump not to fire 'anybody' after Rosenstein report Ben Carson appears to tie allegation against Kavanaugh to socialist plot Five takeaways from Cruz, O'Rourke's fiery first debate MORE blasted former FBI Director James Comey as a "LEAKER & LIAR" who "should be prosecuted" after excerpts of the former FBI director's new book portrayed Trump as a power-hungry man unfit for the presidency.




WHAT TRUMP APPEARS TO BE REFERRING TO: Reports that memos James Comey wrote about his conversations with President Trump contained classified information. Comey shared one of the memos with a friend in order to leak it to the media, but Comey said it did not contain classified material. 



Via The Hill's Brett Samuels, here are five things to know from Comey's book: 

  1. Comey compares Trump to a mob boss
  2. Comey regrets how he explained the Hillary ClintonHillary Diane Rodham ClintonFive takeaways from Cruz, O'Rourke's fiery first debate Heller embraces Trump in risky attempt to survive in November Live coverage: Cruz, O'Rourke clash in Texas debate MORE investigation
  3. Trump asked Comey to investigate salacious allegations against him
  4. John KellyJohn Francis KellyMORE threatened to resign after Comey's firing
  5. Obama comforted Comey after the election.


Confirmed: Comey is definitely not holding back:

In an interview with The New York Times's literary editors, James Comey was asked to recommend a book to President TrumpHis response: "The United States Constitution isn't a book, so I would pick 'The Road to Character,' by David Brooks," Comey said when asked about his recommendation. I.e.: Ouch


It's a beautiful, warm Friday in Washington, D.C. -- Happy​ Friday the 13th. I'm Cate Martel with a quick recap of the morning and what's coming up. Send comments, story ideas and events for our radar to and on Facebook.



Don't do it, Don. Don't do it.:

In an op-ed for The Washington Post, GOP Sen. Thom TillisThomas (Thom) Roland TillisTrump assures storm victims in Carolinas: 'We will be there 100 percent' North Carolina governor: We saw ‘significant damage’ in eastern part of state GOP senator on allegation against Kavanaugh: 'Why on Earth' wasn't it discussed earlier? MORE (N.C.) urged President Trump not to fire special counsel Robert MuellerRobert Swan MuellerSasse: US should applaud choice of Mueller to lead Russia probe MOREExcerpt: "Letting his investigation run its course is in the best interest of the country, and it is the only option to ensure that the American people have trust in the process." Keep in mind: Tillis has sponsored legislation to protect Robert Mueller from being fired. Full op-ed:

YESTERDAY: President Trump met with Deputy Attorney General Rod RosensteinRod Jay RosensteinHannity urges Trump not to fire 'anybody' after Rosenstein report Rosenstein: 'I never pursued' trying to record Trump Trump vows to get rid of 'stench' at DOJ, FBI MORE on Thursday amid speculation his job could be in jeopardy. How this connects to Mueller's job: Rosenstein is tasked with overseeing special counsel Robert Mueller's probe into Russia's election interference. Rosenstein also reportedly signed off on the raid into the office, home and hotel room of Trump's personal attorney, Michael Cohen, which infuriated the president.



'I'm great at speaking. I'd make a great speaker.': 

Via The Washington Post's Mike DeBonis, conservative hard-liner Jim Jordan (R-Ohio) is considering running for Speaker of the House to replace retiring Speaker Paul RyanPaul Davis RyanHow does the 25th Amendment work? Sinema, Fitzpatrick call for long-term extension of Violence Against Women Act GOP super PAC drops .5 million on Nevada ad campaign MORE (R-Wis.). Keep in mind: Jordan co-founded the House Freedom Caucus. "Jordan is an immensely popular figure in conservative grass-roots circles but a divisive figure outside of them, making his ascension to the speakership a long shot."


Pardon me:

Via ABC's Jonathan Karl, Katherine Faulders and John SantucciPresident Trump is expected to pardon I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby, the former chief of staff to former Vice President Dick Cheney


BACK STORY: "Libby was convicted in 2007 of lying to the FBI and obstruction of justice in the investigation into the leak of the identity of Valerie Plame, a former covert CIA operative. Then-President George Bush commuted Libby's 30-month sentence, sparing him prison time, but didn't pardon him."



I mean, she makes a good point:



This answer is incredible:


And Boehner on the chances of Republicans keeping the House:



Interesting context to the Time cover: 



Another day, another incredible John DingellJohn DingellFormer Rep. John Dingell returns to Twitter after heart attack John Dingell suffers heart attack, said to be ‘in good spirits’ Trump, Obamas and Clintons among leaders mourning Aretha Franklin MORE tweet: 

John Dingell, 91, is a former representative from Michigan.



The House was in this morning, but is done for the day. The Senate is out. President Trump is in Washington, D.C. with a quiet public schedule and Vice President Pence is traveling to Peru.

This morning: "A federal judge heard arguments in a hearing in Manhattan Friday as Trump's lawyer Michael Cohen seeks a temporary restraining order to block federal investigators from using the records seized during the raid of his office Monday." Cohen is arguing they are protected by attorney-client privilege. Details:    

11:15 a.m. EDT: President Trump received his intelligence briefing.

3 p.m. EDT Saturday: The NBA playoffs begin.

4:15 p.m. EDT: Vice President Pence arrives in Callao, Peru.

5:15 p.m. EDT: Vice President Pence meets with Venezuelan opposition leaders.

6:15 p.m. EDT: Vice President Pence meets with U.S. Embassy staff and their families in Peru.

7:30 p.m. EDT: Vice President Pence attends the Summit of the Americas Opening Ceremony in Peru.

9:45 p.m. EDT: Vice President Pence attends a banquet hosted by President Martín Vizcarra of Peru.

Tuesday, April 17: Tax Day.



11 a.m. EDT: Federal Emergency Management Agency Administrator Brock Long testifies on the agency's budget request. Livestream:

2:30 p.m. EDT: White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders gives the daily press briefing. 

Sunday morning: House Speaker Paul Ryan (R-Wis.) will appear on NBC's "Meet the Press" with Chuck Todd

9 p.m. EDT Sunday: Fox News Channel is airing "The Trial of James Comey: A Next Revolution Special."

Monday: The Boston Marathon.



Today is National Peach Cobbler Day.


Ugh I'm struggling to type this story, but I thought you'd want to know...:

Via WRAL, a restaurant in Durham, N.C., is serving burgers that are topped with a giant tarantula spider. Why the--?!: It's part of their exotic meat month. Even if you feel so inclined: Because of limited demand, the restaurant has a raffle to be considered. Photo -- if you must see: Keep in mind: I could barely look at this. 


^And now moving on to happier thoughts

America is a beautiful place with incredible innovation: 
Via Refinery29, a dessert shop in New York is now selling giant s'mores. It's pretty impressive. Video of the s'mores assembly:


And because you made it to the end, here's a dog who is THE MOST excited for the weekend. Prove. Me. Wrong.