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--> A midday take on what's happening in politics and how to have a sense of humor about it.*

*Ha. Haha. Hahah. Sniff. Haha. Sniff. Ha--breaks down crying hysterically.

 

The Hill's 12:30 Report: Gorsuch casts deciding vote against deporting immigrant | Comey slams Trump's 'jail' tweet | Says Trump never laughs | Trump's Tax Day op-ed | GOP Rep. Dent leaving Congress in May | DC's up and coming neighborhoods

 

THE COMEY MEMOIR IS OUT

Anyone know what Judge Judy is up to? Trump and Comey sound like ex-spouses in a heated divorce battle:


In an interview with NPR, former FBI Director James ComeyJames Brien ComeyTrump vows to get rid of 'stench' at DOJ, FBI House Judiciary on NY Times article: I intend to subpoena 'McCabe Memos' Hillicon Valley: NYT says Rosenstein wanted to wear wire on Trump | Twitter bug shared some private messages | Vendor put remote-access software on voting machines | Paypal cuts ties with Infowars | Google warned senators about foreign hacks MORE warned Americans that President TrumpDonald John TrumpHannity urges Trump not to fire 'anybody' after Rosenstein report Ben Carson appears to tie allegation against Kavanaugh to socialist plot Five takeaways from Cruz, O'Rourke's fiery first debate MORE's outlandish actions should not become normalized. For example: "President Trump ... [tweeted] this past couple of days that I should be in jail," Comey said. "The president of the United States just said that a private citizen should be jailed. I think the reaction of most of us was, 'meh, that's another one of those things.' This is not normal. This is not OK." http://bit.ly/2vm4Wbp

OK, TELL ME THIS COMMENT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE AN ANGRY EX-SPOUSE: James Comey criticized President Trump, saying he has never seen him laugh. "I've never seen him laugh. Not in public, not in private. And at a dinner with someone -- I mean, I'm not a comedian but I occasionally say something that's funny that people chuckle with each other. But I never saw anything that resembled a laugh." Full back and forth: https://cnn.it/2JSthZN

YEAH, BUT -- I'M NOT LAUGHING, YOU'RE LAUGHING: In the NPR interview, Comey said he is not attempting to "make fun" of Trump. Comey: "I'm not making fun of the president. I'm trying to be an author, which I've never been before in my life," Comey says. "While I'm typing, I can hear my editor's voice ringing in my head, 'bring the reader with you. Show them inside your head. Bring them with you.'" NPR host Steve Inskeep: "'Describe the president's hands.' Can you hear the editor saying that?" Comey: "No, but that was on my mind. And by the way, not that this matters, but I found his hands to be above average in size, and so I'm not making fun of the man, I'm trying to tell the reader what's in my head." http://bit.ly/2JS48y4

YOU CAN NOW BUY THE BOOK: https://amzn.to/2ESU1pj

 

It's Tuesday -- Tax Day! I'm Cate Martel with a quick recap of the morning and what's coming up. Send comments, story ideas and events for our radar to cmartel@thehill.com@CateMartel and on Facebook.

 

ANNOUNCED THIS A.M.

Gorsuch sided 'to the left, to the left':

Justice Neil Gorsuch, President Trump's selection last year for the Supreme Court, cast the deciding vote in a decision against deporting an immigrant. The case: Gorsuch ruled with the court's four liberal justices in favor of the immigrant, JamesGarcia Dimaya, who argued that his convictions on two burglary charges did not represent a violent crime. The Justice Department was seeking to deport Dimaya, arguing that he had been convicted of a violent crime. What Gorsuch determined: The congressional law was too vague in defining a crime of violence. The impact: The court's decision effectively invalidates the federal law that requires immigrants convicted of violent crimes be deported. http://bit.ly/2H8NDfA

 

Another House member is O-U-T, out:

Rep. Charlie DentCharles (Charlie) Wieder DentGOP House candidate placed on leave from longtime position after sexual misconduct allegation Election handicapper moves GOP leader's race to 'toss-up' The Hill's 12:30 Report MORE (R-Pa.), a senior appropriator and former chairman of the House Ethics Committee, just announced he will resign from Congress in May. We knew he was leaving -- why is this newsy?: Dent had already announced his retirement last fall, but initially said he planned to stick around through the end of his term. Why?: "After discussions with my family and careful reflection, I have decided to leave Congress in the coming weeks," Dent said in a statement. http://bit.ly/2H6sceR

 

D.C. police officer field trips:

Via CNN's Andrea Diaz, "The police department in Washington DC has added a nearly 10-hour training program that includes a trip to the National Museum of African American History and Culture so that officers can learn about the historical interactions between law enforcement and minority communities." https://cnn.it/2J4R2N5

 

GETTING TRACTION

*Karate chop*:

Attorney and frequent Fox News guest Alan Dershowitz criticized host Sean Hannity on Monday for not disclosing his relationship with Michael Cohen, President Trump's personal attorney. Hannity on his relationship to Cohen: "It was minimal." Dershowitz then said: "I understand that, and you should've said that. You were in a tough position because, A, you had to talk about Cohen, and, B, you didn't want the fact that you had spoken with him to be revealed." Hannity: "I have the right to privacy. It was such a minor relationship."

Watch -- the interaction is pretty awkward: http://bit.ly/2vi2WAQ

BACK STORY: Hannity was revealed to be Cohen's client during a hearing Monday afternoon related to last week's FBI raids of Cohen's office, hotel room and home. Cohen's attorney only shared Hannity's identity after a judge ordered him to. http://bit.ly/2vi2WAQ

THIS A.M. -- OUCH: MSNBC's "Morning Joe" poked fun at Hannity with a clip from "The Simpsons." http://bit.ly/2vi3DtW Watch the Simpsons cliphttp://bit.ly/2H6mDRL

 

IT'S TAX DAY

OK, don't panic, but the IRS's online filing system is having technical issues:

Via The Washington Post, "The Internal Revenue Service's electronic system that allows Americans to submit their tax returns online at least partly failed on Tuesday, complicating filing for the millions of Americans attempting to meet the midnight deadline." How they're trying to fix it: The IRS is trying to reboot the system https://wapo.st/2qFBLdL

WHAT HAPPENS IF THE IRS CAN'T FIX THE SYSTEM TODAY: "If we can't solve it today we'll figure out a solution," IRS Acting Commissioner David J. Kautter said. "Taxpayers would not be penalized because of a technical problem the IRS is having." https://wapo.st/2qFBLdL

 

You're a winner. And you're a winner. And four candy canes to you, Glen Coco. You go, Glen Coco!

President Trump published an op-ed in USA Today for Tax Day, titled "America's economy is back and roaring and its people are winning." Excerpt: "A typical family of four earning $73,000 a year can expect to see an income tax cut of more than $2,000 when they file their tax return in 2019 -- slashing their income tax bill in half. The standard deduction has been nearly doubled, so now twice as much income is earned tax-free." Full op-ed: https://usat.ly/2J4RT09 

KEEP IN MIND -- THIS IS THE LAST TIME PEOPLE FILE UNDER THE OLD TAX CODE: "Policymakers will be looking to see how this year's filing season compares to next year's, when tax returns will reflect most of the changes Republicans made to the tax code in a law passed in December." What to watch: http://bit.ly/2qDXxQ6

 

IN OTHER NEWS

OK, have you seen what that generation does with Tide Pods? And you want to let them vote? (Lol)

A Washington, D.C., council member has introduced legislation that would lower the age to vote in federal and local elections to 16. Specifically: This measure could allow 16- and 17-year-olds to vote in the 2020 presidential election. Could this pass?: Well, seven of the 13 members of the D.C. Council are backing the measure, advocates of the proposal told WUSA TV. http://bit.ly/2JQ0LYC

 

From New Hampster -- 'not in MY house': 

Via CBS's Jacqueline Alemany, Gov. Chris Sununu (R) initially opposed President Trump visiting New Hampshire as part of the administration's initiative on the opioid crisis. Why: Sununu didn't want his state to be used a prop as he criticized the lack of funding to address the issue. https://cbsn.ws/2H5Nxcv

FASCINATING READ ON A CONGRESSWOMAN'S PERSONAL CONNECTION TO THE OPIOID CRISIS: Via The Hill's Rachel Roubein, Rep. Debbie DingellDeborah (Debbie) Ann DingellFormer Rep. John Dingell returns to Twitter after heart attack John Dingell suffers heart attack, said to be ‘in good spirits’ The Hill's Morning Report — Sponsored by United Against Nuclear Iran — Kavanaugh confirmation in sudden turmoil MORE (D-Mich.) has seen what prescription painkillers can do. At a young age, she saw her father misuse prescription drugs, sleep until the early afternoon, ditch work and then stay up all night. She witnessed her younger sister struggle with addiction and cycle in and out drug treatment centers. Dingell would call morgues when her family couldn't find her sister, hoping she wasn't there. Mary Grace Insley died of an overdose in 2005. http://bit.ly/2J4IQw5

 

NOTABLE ON SOCIAL MEDIA:

This is one of the few things that can make me smile about winter weather in April:


ON TAP:

The House and Senate are in. President Trump is at his Mar-a-Lago resort with the Japanese prime minister, and Vice President Pence is in Washington, D.C.

12:30 p.m. EDT: The Senate holds its weekly caucus luncheons. The Senate's schedule today: http://bit.ly/2ETtRCO

12:45 p.m. EDT: Vice President Pence participates in the Senate Republican policy lunch on Capitol Hill.

3 p.m. EDT: President Trump meets with Japanese Prime Minster Shinzo Abe at the Mar-a-Lago resort in Florida.

5 p.m. EDT: First and last votes in the House. The House's schedule today: http://bit.ly/2jYhqPv

7:30 p.m. EDT: President Trump and first lady Melania TrumpMelania TrumpTrump Jr. to Dem Senator: 'You admitted to hitting your wife so hard it gave her a black eye!' Melania Trump's spokeswoman gets Hatch Act warning for #MAGA tweet Pamela Anderson claims she convinced Melania Trump to stop wearing fur MORE have dinner with Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe and his wife, Akie Abe.

Wednesday: The Supreme Court will hear President Trump's travel ban case, Trump v. Hawaii. Op-ed from former CIA and NSA director Michael Hayden: http://bit.ly/2JU4Vi3

Just canceled–Thursday: The House will no longer have votes on Thursday. I.e.: Their weekend starts Wednesday around 5:15 p.m. http://bit.ly/2JRFe1H

Sunday: Earth Day. 

April 24: The Time 100 Gala in New York. http://bit.ly/2qEFEzC

 

WHAT TO WATCH:

Noon: The House debates a bill to combat identity theft. Livestream: https://cs.pn/2H673FF

4 p.m. EDT: Fox News's Neil Cavuto has an exclusive interview with Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnellAddison (Mitch) Mitchell McConnellGOP, Kavanaugh accuser struggle to reach deal GOP making counteroffer to Kavanaugh accuser The Hill's 12:30 Report — Trump questions Kavanaugh accuser's account | Accuser may testify Thursday | Midterm blame game begins MORE (R-Ky.).

 

NOW FOR THE FUN STUFF...:

Today is National Cheeseball Day.

 

CC anyone looking to buy Washington, D.C., real estate:

Via Washingtonian, here's a list of D.C.-area neighborhoods that should expect dramatic transformations in the coming years. http://bit.ly/2Hb9Id6


And because you read this far, here's a dog that LOVES yoga. What a natural. http://bit.ly/2HpDJtc