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--> A midday take on what's happening in politics and how to have a sense of humor about it.*

*Ha. Haha. Hahah. Sniff. Haha. Sniff. Ha--breaks down crying hysterically.


The Hill's 12:30 Report: Trump vows to protect students after 'horrific' Texas school shooting | Multiple fatalities | Suspect in custody | House rejects farm bill as conservatives revolt on immigration | Trump to tap acting VA chief to lead agency | Trump suggests FBI 'framed' him | What you need to know for the Royal Wedding



A shooting at Santa Fe High School in Texas

At least nine people have been killed this morning after a high school shooting in Santa Fe, Texas.

President TrumpDonald John TrumpAverage tax refunds down double-digits, IRS data shows White House warns Maduro as Venezuela orders partial closure of border with Colombia Trump administration directs 1,000 more troops to Mexican border MORE just addressed the shooting, calling it an "absolutely horrific attack." Trump also said: "This has been going on too long in our country, too many years, too many decades now. My administration is determined to do everything in our power to protect our students, secure our schools and to keep weapons out of the hands of those who pose a threat to themselves and to others."



The suspect: Not much is known yet, but a suspect, who appears to be a student, is reportedly in custody. Another student has also been detained.

Injuries: NBC News reports that nine people have been killed, but law enforcement sources said this number could rise.


From a student: "Sophomore Leila Butler tells ABC13 that at about 7:45 a.m. fire alarms went off and students left their classrooms. She reports some students believe they've heard shots fired. She is currently sheltering with other students and teachers near campus."

The location: Santa Fe, Texas is about a 45-minute drive south from Houston.

Graduation: Santa Fe High School's graduation is scheduled for tomorrow.

Live updates from CNN:





Getting traction -- a man walks to the crime scene with a gun and an American flag:

Watch the man explain his plan


Photo of the scene: 


It's Friday. I'm Cate Martel with a quick recap of the morning and what's coming up. Send comments, story ideas and events for our radar to on Facebook.



Oh wow, the farm bill just went down:

In a stunning vote, House conservatives just banded together to take down the farm bill over a dispute about immigration. Wait, what happened?: House conservatives had threatened to block the farm bill unless GOP leaders agreed to schedule a vote on a conservative immigration reform bill. House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthyKevin Owen McCarthySteve King says he will run again in 2020: 'I have nothing to apologize for' Steve King spins GOP punishment into political weapon Steve King asks for Congressional Record correction over white supremacist quote MORE (R-Calif.) assured conservatives there would be an immigration vote in June, but members of the House Freedom Caucus still withheld their vote and voted with Democrats to block the measure. The final vote: 198-213.


Trump: 'Will you accept this rose?':  

President Trump announced that he will nominate acting Veterans Affairs Secretary Robert Wilkie to permanently fill the position. Was this announcement expected?: It was a bit of a surprise. Trump even noted that he hadn't shared the news with Wilkie. What to know about Wilkie: He is a longtime government official who took over as the acting head of the Veterans Affairs department when former Secretary David ShulkinDavid Jonathon ShulkinIs a presidential appointment worth the risk? It’s time to end the scare tactics and get to work for our veterans House Democrats open investigation of Trump associates' influence at VA MORE left the agency.



Late this a.m. -- Trump's latest target: 

President Trump questioned why former FBI Director Andrew McCabeAndrew George McCabeThe Hill's Morning Report — Emergency declaration to test GOP loyalty to Trump Rosenstein: My time at DOJ is 'coming to an end' Five takeaways from McCabe’s allegations against Trump MORE was not being investigated for his role in the Hillary ClintonHillary Diane Rodham ClintonDem strategist says Clinton ‘absolutely’ has a role to play in 2020 Left-leaning journalist: Sanders would be 'formidable candidate' against Trump Clinton hits EPA for approval of pesticide dump: ‘We need bees!’ MORE email probe citing his wife's political ties. He tweeted: "Why isn't disgraced FBI official Andrew McCabe being investigated for the $700,000 Crooked Hillary Democrats in Virginia, led by Clinton best friend Terry M (under FBI investigation that they killed) gave to McCabe's wife in her run for office? Then dropped case on Clinton!"


Trump: I was being framed: 

President Trump tweeted an unverified claim that the FBI placed a mole in his presidential campaign, suggesting the agency tried to "frame" him. Quoting Fox Business anchor David Asman, Trump tweeted: "Apparently the DOJ put a Spy in the Trump Campaign. This has never been done before and by any means necessary, they are out to frame Donald Trump for crimes he didn't commit." Trump then added: "Really bad stuff!"

TEAM TRUMP TO MUELLER -- COME AT ME BRO: Via The Hill's Niall StanagePresident Trump and his team are intensifying their attacks on special counsel Robert MuellerRobert Swan MuellerSasse: US should applaud choice of Mueller to lead Russia probe MORE's Russia probe as the investigation enters its second year. Rudy Giuliani told The Hill  -- one year to the day since Mueller was appointed: "it is an absolute requirement that the investigation and the investigators are put under scrutiny."


RIP, White House daily internal meetings:

After the blunder over a White House aide joking about Sen. John McCainJohn Sidney McCainGabbard hits back at Meghan McCain after fight over Assad Mellman: Where are good faith and integrity? GOP senator says Republicans didn't control Senate when they held majority MORE's (R-Ariz.) brain cancer, the White House communications team scrapped its large daily meetings.



Getting traction -- Bill Gates dishes it out on Trump: 

In newly revealed footage aired on MSNBC, Microsoft founder Bill Gates said that President Trump twice asked him to explain the difference between HIV and HPV. In Gates's words: "Both times he wanted to know if there was a difference between HPV and HIV," Gates said. "So I was able to explain that those were rarely confused with each other."

ON VACCINATIONS: Gates: "In both of those two meetings, [Trump] asked me if vaccines weren't a bad thing, because he was considering a commission to look into the ill effects of vaccines. And I said, 'no, that's a dead end. That would be a bad thing, don't do that.'"

FUNNY ANECDOTE: Gates recalled that his daughter met Trump at an equestrian event in Florida. "But then, twenty minutes later, he flew in in a helicopter to the same place, so clearly he had been driven away and he wanted to make a grand entrance in a helicopter." Watch Gates telling the story:



I'm going to leave these details here and you can pretend you didn't read them: 

First, here are the most absurd royal wedding-themed deals: Via The New York Times, some of the strangest wedding-themed products include dishrags, beer, condoms, cars, swimsuits, still water called "Still Harry" and sparkling water called "Meghan Sparkle." Everyone wants a slice of the pie! 

Moving onto the details -- How to watch: You'll have to hide under a rock tomorrow to miss it. But, here's the YouTube livestream:

What time: The wedding will start at 7 a.m. EDT -- that's noon in London.

Answers to 104 frequently asked questions about the royal wedding: I can't believe there even are 104 questions about the event.

Who's walking Meghan Markle down the aisle?: Markle's father is no longer attending, so she has decided to walk down the aisle solo. Once she reaches where the royal guests are seated, Prince Charles will accompany her for the rest of the walk.

Why won't Markle's dad attend?: Her father, Thomas Markle, just had heart surgery. Markle reportedly changed his mind a few times about whether to attend the wedding, but is now in the hospital for a few days recovering from surgery.

Fun fact -- why brides wear white: The trend started in 1840 with Queen Victoria. Most brides at the time wore dresses they already owned and without modern cleaning techniques, a white outfit was very difficult to maintain. I.e.: A crisp white dress showed opulence.

Happening today: Via The Daily Mail, Meghan Markle's mom Doria is having tea with the queen today. What Doria's been up to -- it's a pretty cool schedule:

OK, this is actually brilliant: The baker creating the royal couple's lemon and elderflower wedding cake is also baking tiny cupcakes for street parties. Photo:

It's a party: Here's a list of the 9 best places in the U.S. to watch the royal wedding. Like: The Ritz Carlton is decking out its ballroom for a royal wedding watch party. The party list:



The struggle is real: 


These are pretty clever letter combinations, tbh: 



12:20 p.m. EDT: Vice President Pence leaves for Indianapolis.

2 p.m. EDT: President Trump meets with the Secretary-General of the United Nations.

6:50 p.m. EDT: Vice President Pence speaks at a Republican fundraising event in Indianapolis.

9:05 p.m. EDT: Vice President Pence gets back to Washington, D.C.

7 a.m. EDT Saturday: The royal wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle begins and will last around an hour. 

Sunday: Hillary Clinton speaks at Yale University. 

May 22: The 6th annual Congressional Soccer Match.

May 29: President Trump is holding a rally for Tennessee Republican Senate candidate Marsha BlackburnMarsha BlackburnTrump’s new Syria timetable raises concern among key anti-ISIS allies Dem lawmaker invites Parkland survivor to attend State of the Union Bipartisan senators press Trump for strategy to protect Syrian Kurds MORE. (Via Politico's Burgess Everett



10:45 a.m. EDT: President Trump and Vice President Pence deliver remarks at The White House Prison Reform Summit in the East Room of the White House. Livestream:

4:25 p.m. EDT: Vice President Pence speaks about tax cuts at an event in Indianapolis, Ind. Livestream:

Released today: Season two of the controversial Netflix series "13 Reasons Why." Why it's controversial: The show depicts a teenage girl who takes her own life and leaves 13 tapes to explain why. Details and recap of season one -- there are no season two spoilers!:



Today is National Cheese Soufflé Day.


Glitter beer is now a thing:

Via Refinery29, there's a new trend of brewing glittery beer. It's beautiful, but "edible" is not the first word that comes to my mind...  Video:


And to get your weekend off to a good start, here's an 18-month old girl making a very important business call: