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--> A midday take on what's happening in politics and how to have a sense of humor about it.*

*Ha. Haha. Hahah. Sniff. Haha. Sniff. Ha--breaks down crying hysterically.

 

 

The Hill's 12:30 Report: Rosenstein impeachment push divides GOP | Jordan to announce bid for Speaker | Trump, Cohen feud gets personal | More than 100 Cohen tapes reportedly seized | Trump avoids media due to 'bad weather' despite clear skies | Deadline today to reunite migrant families | Disney gets rid of plastic straws

 

LATEST IN THE MUELLER INVESTIGATION

Trump has 99 problems -- and one more:

​​Via The Washington Post's Philip Rucker, Carol D. Leonnig, Tom Hamburger and Ashley Parker, the government has seized more than 100 Trump-related tapes. Including: Conversations with President TrumpDonald John TrumpTrump calls for Republicans to be 'united' on abortion Tlaib calls on Amash to join impeachment resolution Facebook temporarily suspended conservative commentator Candace Owens MORE and discussions with people about Trump and his businesses. How Cohen recorded the conversations: "Cohen appeared to make some recordings with an iPhone -- without telling anyone he was taping them." Are there full discussions with Trump?: Not really. Little snippets of conversations, but yesterday's big audio release is the only full conversation between Cohen and Trump. https://wapo.st/2AdpXaP

HOW THE TRUMP-COHEN FEUD BECAME EXTREMELY PERSONAL SO QUICKLY: http://bit.ly/2LEq1Vq

 

It's Thursday -- the sun has finally emerged! I'm Cate Martel with a quick recap of the morning and what's coming up. Send comments, story ideas and events for our radar to cmartel@thehill.com@CateMartel and on Facebook.

 

LATEST ON CAPITOL HILL

The 'I' word is the ultimate threat:

Via The Hill's Olivia Beavers, conservative Reps. Mark MeadowsMark Randall MeadowsThe Hill's Morning Report - Presented by Pass USMCA Coalition - After GOP infighting, Trump Jr. agrees to testify again On The Money: House chairman issues subpoenas for Trump's tax returns | Trump touts trade talks as China, US fail to reach deal | Five things to know about Trump's trade war with China | GOP offers support for Trump on tariffs GOP offers support for Trump on China tariffs MORE (R-N.C.), Jim JordanJames (Jim) Daniel JordanMueller mystery: Will he ever testify to Congress? Ohio State report documents 177 cases of sexual misconduct by team doctor Republicans defend drug company in spotlight over HIV medication prices MORE (R-Ohio) and nine co-sponsors have introduced articles of impeachment against Deputy Attorney General Rod RosensteinRod RosensteinDemocrats are running out of stunts to pull from impeachment playbook Barr dismisses contempt vote as part of 'political circus' Flynn provided details in Mueller's obstruction inquiry, new memo shows MOREhttp://bit.ly/2uRS6z8

WHAT THE IMPEACHMENT ARTICLES ALLEGE: "They charge that Rosenstein has a conflict of interest in [special counsel Robert Mueller's] probe, stating that he is a 'witness' who could be called to testify in the ongoing investigation into potential surveillance abuse since he signed off on an FBI surveillance renewal application to wiretap Carter Page, a former adviser to the Trump campaign." http://bit.ly/2uRS6z8

 

Breaking from Paul RyanPaul Davis RyanDebate with Donald Trump? Just say no Ex-Trump adviser says GOP needs a better health-care message for 2020 Liz Cheney faces a big decision on her future MORE: Come onnnn:

Speaker Paul Ryan (R-Wis.) rejected the conservative push to impeach Rosenstein. From Ryan: "I don't think we should be cavalier with this process or this term," he said, referring to impeachment. "I don't think this rises to the level of high crimes and misdemeanors." http://bit.ly/2JYFoDv

REACTIONS FROM OTHER HOUSE REPUBLICANS: Majority Whip Steve ScaliseStephen (Steve) Joseph ScaliseTrump encouraged Scalise to run for governor in Louisiana: report We owe a debt of gratitude to all our police officers and their families House votes to extend flood insurance program MORE (R-La.) said he would vote in favor of impeachment; Majority Leader Kevin McCarthyKevin Owen McCarthyOn The Money: Treasury rejects Dem subpoena for Trump tax returns | Companies warn trade war about to hit consumers | Congress, White House to launch budget talks next week | Trump gets deal to lift steel tariffs on Mexico, Canada Congressional leaders to launch budget talks with White House RNC chair on Alabama abortion bill: I would have exceptions for rape, incest MORE(R-Calif.) would not say how he would vote. 

REACTION FROM DEMOCRATS: Statement from Reps. Jerrold Nadler (D-N.Y.), Elijah Cummings (D-Md.) and Adam SchiffAdam Bennett Schiff5 things to watch as Trump, Dems clash over investigations Mueller mystery: Will he ever testify to Congress? Overnight Defense: Congressional leaders receive classified briefing on Iran | Trump on war: 'I hope not' | Key Republican calls threats credible | Warren plan targets corporate influence at Pentagon MORE (D-Calif.): "It is a panicked and dangerous attempt to undermine an ongoing criminal investigation in an effort to protect President Trump as the walls are closing in around him and his associates." http://bit.ly/2uRS6z8

 

More news from Jim Jordan this morning:

This afternoon Rep. Jim Jordan (R-Ohio) will announce his run for House Speaker. Is this surprising?: Nah, Jordan has been floated as a possible replacement since Speaker Paul Ryan (R-Wis.) announced his upcoming retirement. Who else is interested in the speakership: House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy (R-Calif.) and House Majority Whip Steve Scalise (R-La.).http://bit.ly/2v8CgiK

WHY IT'S NOT GREAT TIMING: "In recent weeks, Jordan's bid for Speaker has been hampered by allegations from former wrestlers at Ohio State University (OSU) claiming that Jordan turned a blind eye to reports of sexual abuse when he coached at the university." http://bit.ly/2v8CgiK

 

Some pretty funny quotes:

The Hill's Scott Wong and Melanie Zanona have an interesting piece about 10 dark horse candidates for speaker of the House. http://bit.ly/2LSEvxM

MY TWO FAVORITE QUOTES: Rep. Rob BishopRobert (Rob) William BishopDozens of states consider move to permanent daylight saving time Statehood bill could make Puerto Rico a state before 2020 Here's why Congress, not the president, should lead on environmental protection MORE (R-Utah), chairman of the House Natural Resources Committee: "If I were running, the country would have to be in really, really bad shape," Bishop, who is known for his dry sense of humor, joked. He did acknowledge that some Republicans have tried to recruit him.

Rep. Kevin BradyKevin Patrick BradyHouse to vote on retirement bill next week House chairman issues subpoenas for Trump's tax returns Top Republican urges Dem chairman to drop Trump tax returns effort MORE, chairman of the powerful Ways and Means Committee: "Just as The Hill asked whether Brady could be convinced to run for Speaker by his colleagues, Freedom Caucus Chairman Mark Meadows (R-N.C.), as if on cue, interrupted the interview to heap praise on Brady. 'He is the most brilliant man,' Meadows said as he walked by, prompting a laugh from Brady. 'If I had his intelligence and his looks, I'd be somebody.' " 

The full list of dark horse candidates for speaker: http://bit.ly/2LSEvxM

 

IN OTHER NEWS

We'll be telling our grandchildren about plastic straws and they will have no idea what we're talking about:

The Walt Disney Company is eliminating plastic straws and single-use stirrers from all of its locations. Timing: By mid-2019. https://abcn.ws/2JX6PND

TIDBIT -- SAY WHAAAT?: Santa Barbara passed an ordinance allowing big fines -- and possibly even jail time -- for violating the city's plastic straw ban. https://fxn.ws/2JXkKDI

 

Happening today -- it's the migrant children reunification deadline: 

Via The Texas Tribune, a federal judge ordered that all children who were separated from their families on the U.S.-Mexico border must be reunified by today. http://bit.ly/2LKJqnW

THE SITUATION: Children who have been reunified: "538 more parents have been cleared to be reunified with their children, meaning reunification is likely. All told, that's significant progress since the government's last update on Friday, when just 450 reunifications for the age group had taken place."

The current situation for children who haven't been reunified: "Still, the circumstances remain murky for more than 1,000 other parents. There are 217 parents squarely in the 'maybe' category because they have already been released into the United States, making them more difficult for government officials to locate." 

TODAY IN WASHINGTON: The "I am a child" march in Washington, D.C. Livestream: http://bit.ly/2AeDRti

 

We're excited, but let's not jinx anything:

Via The Hill's Reid Wilson and Lisa Hagen, "Almost 100 days before November's midterm elections, Democrats and Republicans are certain of one thing: An energized electorate across the country is poised to lead to a surge in turnout at the polls. But in a dynamic news atmosphere and with billions of dollars in candidate and outside spending yet to be spent, both parties are nervous about their own prospects, almost fearful of what is still to come." How each party is expecting this to play out: http://bit.ly/2OjbBZp

 

Today in awkward mishaps:

One of Education Secretary Betsy DeVosElizabeth (Betsy) Dee DeVosConsumer bureau head says Education Department blocking oversight of student loans Dem lawmaker: Betsy DeVos is 'a nice person, but boy she really is confused' Trump touts budget updates to fund Special Olympics, send astronauts to Mars MORE's yachts became untied from a dock in Ohio and drifted into another dock, causing $5,000-10,000 in damage. Now what: Investigators are hoping surveillance footage will show who untied the boat. Details: http://bit.ly/2v9Q3ph

 

NOTABLE TWEETS

This is pretty interesting -- here's a detailed map of the 2016 electorate:

The full graphic: https://nyti.ms/2OhRLhb

 

Lol

 

Agreed, Leigh. AGREED.:

Ugh, why?: Video of the mayo ice cream: http://bit.ly/2mQ0T09

 

ON TAP

The House and Senate are in. President Trump is spending the day in Iowa and Illinois. Vice President Pence is spending the day in West Virginia. 

11:35 a.m. EDT: President Trump arrived in Peosta, Iowa. 

How Trump ducked the media this morning by claiming bad weather (the skies in D.C. are bright blue, by the way): http://bit.ly/2v6AO0k

1:30 p.m. EDT: Vice President Pence leaves for Wheeling, W.Va.

3:20 p.m. EDT: President Trump tours Granite City Works -- Hot Strip Mill in Granite City, Ill.

5:30 p.m. EDT: Vice President Pence participates in an National Republican Senatorial Committee event in West Virginia. He then heads back to Washington, D.C.

7:05 p.m. EDT: President Trump gets back to the White House.

  

WHAT TO WATCH

10 a.m. EDT: Vice President Pence speaks at the Ministerial to Advance Religious Freedom at the State Department.

12:30 p.m. EDT: President Trump participates in a roundtable in Peosta, Iowa. He then heads to Granite City, Ill. Livestream: http://bit.ly/2mQ54sR

3:15 p.m. EDT: Vice President Pence speaks about tax cuts at an event in Wheeling, W.Va. Livestream: http://bit.ly/2mQ4F9P

3:40 p.m. EDT: President Trump delivers remarks on trade in Granite City, Ill. Livestream: http://bit.ly/2LReE9A

4:10 p.m. EDT: Secretary of State Mike PompeoMichael (Mike) Richard PompeoUS warns airlines about flying over Persian Gulf amid Iran tensions Trump: Anonymous news sources are 'bulls---' Iranian official: Trump 'holding a gun' while pursuing talks MORE is holding a news conference on religious freedom. Livestream: https://cs.pn/2LBtt33

  

NOW FOR THE FUN STUFF...

Today is National Chili Dog Day. It's also National Coffee Milkshake Day.

 

Too. Far.:

Via NBC's Maggie Fox, "A mind-controlling parasite found in cat feces may give people the courage they need to become entrepreneurs, researchers reported Tuesday. They found that people who have been infected with the Toxoplasma gondii parasite are more likely to major in business and to have started their own businesses than non-infected people." https://nbcnews.to/2OiCU60

 

And because you made it to the end, here's a fully-grown golden retriever who is too scared to take the escalator. His owner's reaction is pretty great: http://bit.ly/2v4eKUf