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--> A midday take on what's happening in politics and how to have a sense of humor about it.*

*Ha. Haha. Hahah. Sniff. Haha. Sniff. Ha--breaks down crying hysterically.



The Hill's 12:30 Report: Rosenstein impeachment push divides GOP | Jordan to announce bid for Speaker | Trump, Cohen feud gets personal | More than 100 Cohen tapes reportedly seized | Trump avoids media due to 'bad weather' despite clear skies | Deadline today to reunite migrant families | Disney gets rid of plastic straws



Trump has 99 problems -- and one more:

​​Via The Washington Post's Philip Rucker, Carol D. Leonnig, Tom Hamburger and Ashley Parker, the government has seized more than 100 Trump-related tapes. Including: Conversations with President TrumpDonald John TrumpSenate GOP budget ignores Trump, cuts defense Trump says he'll nominate Stephen Moore to Fed White House: ISIS territory in Syria has been 100 percent eliminated MORE and discussions with people about Trump and his businesses. How Cohen recorded the conversations: "Cohen appeared to make some recordings with an iPhone -- without telling anyone he was taping them." Are there full discussions with Trump?: Not really. Little snippets of conversations, but yesterday's big audio release is the only full conversation between Cohen and Trump.



It's Thursday -- the sun has finally emerged! I'm Cate Martel with a quick recap of the morning and what's coming up. Send comments, story ideas and events for our radar to and on Facebook.



The 'I' word is the ultimate threat:

Via The Hill's Olivia Beavers, conservative Reps. Mark MeadowsMark Randall MeadowsJordan, Meadows backed by new ads from pro-Trump group: report Trump keeps tight grip on GOP Dems fear Trump is looking at presidential pardons MORE (R-N.C.), Jim JordanJames (Jim) Daniel JordanJordan, Meadows backed by new ads from pro-Trump group: report Jordan jokes that sport coats inhibit him during heated hearings Attorney previously in contact with Cohen pushes back on pardon narrative to CNN MORE (R-Ohio) and nine co-sponsors have introduced articles of impeachment against Deputy Attorney General Rod RosensteinRod Jay RosensteinTrump says 'people will not stand' for Mueller report The Hill's Morning Report — Washington readies for Mueller end game Jeff Sessions returns to Justice Department to retrieve Cabinet chair MORE

WHAT THE IMPEACHMENT ARTICLES ALLEGE: "They charge that Rosenstein has a conflict of interest in [special counsel Robert Mueller's] probe, stating that he is a 'witness' who could be called to testify in the ongoing investigation into potential surveillance abuse since he signed off on an FBI surveillance renewal application to wiretap Carter Page, a former adviser to the Trump campaign."


Breaking from Paul RyanPaul Davis RyanFormer Dem candidate says he faced cultural barriers on the campaign trail because he is working-class Former House candidate and ex-ironworker says there is 'buyer's remorse' for Trump in Midwest Head of top hedge fund association to step down MORE: Come onnnn:

Speaker Paul Ryan (R-Wis.) rejected the conservative push to impeach Rosenstein. From Ryan: "I don't think we should be cavalier with this process or this term," he said, referring to impeachment. "I don't think this rises to the level of high crimes and misdemeanors."

REACTIONS FROM OTHER HOUSE REPUBLICANS: Majority Whip Steve ScaliseStephen (Steve) Joseph ScaliseTrump keeps tight grip on GOP GOP lawmakers: House leaders already jockeying for leadership contests House Republicans find silver lining in minority MORE (R-La.) said he would vote in favor of impeachment; Majority Leader Kevin McCarthyKevin Owen McCarthyHouse leaders need to modernize Congress for the sake of America Overnight Energy: McConnell tees up vote on Green New Deal | Centrist Dems pitch alternative to plan | House Republican likens Green New Deal to genocide | Coca-Cola reveals it uses 3M tons of plastic every year House GOP lawmaker says Green New Deal is like genocide MORE(R-Calif.) would not say how he would vote. 

REACTION FROM DEMOCRATS: Statement from Reps. Jerrold Nadler (D-N.Y.), Elijah Cummings (D-Md.) and Adam SchiffAdam Bennett SchiffThe Hill's Morning Report — Washington readies for Mueller end game Hillicon Valley: Kushner accused of using WhatsApp, personal email for official work | White House rejects request for Trump-Putin communications | Facebook left 'hundreds of millions' of passwords unsecured | Tech pressured to root out extremism Five things to watch for as White House readies for Mueller report MORE (D-Calif.): "It is a panicked and dangerous attempt to undermine an ongoing criminal investigation in an effort to protect President Trump as the walls are closing in around him and his associates."


More news from Jim Jordan this morning:

This afternoon Rep. Jim Jordan (R-Ohio) will announce his run for House Speaker. Is this surprising?: Nah, Jordan has been floated as a possible replacement since Speaker Paul Ryan (R-Wis.) announced his upcoming retirement. Who else is interested in the speakership: House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy (R-Calif.) and House Majority Whip Steve Scalise (R-La.).

WHY IT'S NOT GREAT TIMING: "In recent weeks, Jordan's bid for Speaker has been hampered by allegations from former wrestlers at Ohio State University (OSU) claiming that Jordan turned a blind eye to reports of sexual abuse when he coached at the university."


Some pretty funny quotes:

The Hill's Scott Wong and Melanie Zanona have an interesting piece about 10 dark horse candidates for speaker of the House.

MY TWO FAVORITE QUOTES: Rep. Rob BishopRobert (Rob) William BishopOvernight Energy: McConnell tees up vote on Green New Deal | Centrist Dems pitch alternative to plan | House Republican likens Green New Deal to genocide | Coca-Cola reveals it uses 3M tons of plastic every year House GOP lawmaker says Green New Deal is like genocide Overnight Energy: Solar installations dropped in 2018 | UN report says rising Arctic temperatures 'locked in' | Fiat Chrysler to recall 850K vehicles MORE (R-Utah), chairman of the House Natural Resources Committee: "If I were running, the country would have to be in really, really bad shape," Bishop, who is known for his dry sense of humor, joked. He did acknowledge that some Republicans have tried to recruit him.

Rep. Kevin BradyKevin Patrick BradyJOBS for Success Act would recognize that all people have potential Smaller tax refunds put GOP on defensive Key author of GOP tax law joins Ernst and Young MORE, chairman of the powerful Ways and Means Committee: "Just as The Hill asked whether Brady could be convinced to run for Speaker by his colleagues, Freedom Caucus Chairman Mark Meadows (R-N.C.), as if on cue, interrupted the interview to heap praise on Brady. 'He is the most brilliant man,' Meadows said as he walked by, prompting a laugh from Brady. 'If I had his intelligence and his looks, I'd be somebody.' " 

The full list of dark horse candidates for speaker:



We'll be telling our grandchildren about plastic straws and they will have no idea what we're talking about:

The Walt Disney Company is eliminating plastic straws and single-use stirrers from all of its locations. Timing: By mid-2019.

TIDBIT -- SAY WHAAAT?: Santa Barbara passed an ordinance allowing big fines -- and possibly even jail time -- for violating the city's plastic straw ban.


Happening today -- it's the migrant children reunification deadline: 

Via The Texas Tribune, a federal judge ordered that all children who were separated from their families on the U.S.-Mexico border must be reunified by today.

THE SITUATION: Children who have been reunified: "538 more parents have been cleared to be reunified with their children, meaning reunification is likely. All told, that's significant progress since the government's last update on Friday, when just 450 reunifications for the age group had taken place."

The current situation for children who haven't been reunified: "Still, the circumstances remain murky for more than 1,000 other parents. There are 217 parents squarely in the 'maybe' category because they have already been released into the United States, making them more difficult for government officials to locate." 

TODAY IN WASHINGTON: The "I am a child" march in Washington, D.C. Livestream:


We're excited, but let's not jinx anything:

Via The Hill's Reid Wilson and Lisa Hagen, "Almost 100 days before November's midterm elections, Democrats and Republicans are certain of one thing: An energized electorate across the country is poised to lead to a surge in turnout at the polls. But in a dynamic news atmosphere and with billions of dollars in candidate and outside spending yet to be spent, both parties are nervous about their own prospects, almost fearful of what is still to come." How each party is expecting this to play out:


Today in awkward mishaps:

One of Education Secretary Betsy DeVosElizabeth (Betsy) Dee DeVosTrump signs executive order on campus free speech Student loan debt: The government broke it, and must fix it DeVos: DOE to investigate if federal regs were broken in college admissions scandal MORE's yachts became untied from a dock in Ohio and drifted into another dock, causing $5,000-10,000 in damage. Now what: Investigators are hoping surveillance footage will show who untied the boat. Details:



This is pretty interesting -- here's a detailed map of the 2016 electorate:

The full graphic:




Agreed, Leigh. AGREED.:

Ugh, why?: Video of the mayo ice cream:



The House and Senate are in. President Trump is spending the day in Iowa and Illinois. Vice President Pence is spending the day in West Virginia. 

11:35 a.m. EDT: President Trump arrived in Peosta, Iowa. 

How Trump ducked the media this morning by claiming bad weather (the skies in D.C. are bright blue, by the way):

1:30 p.m. EDT: Vice President Pence leaves for Wheeling, W.Va.

3:20 p.m. EDT: President Trump tours Granite City Works -- Hot Strip Mill in Granite City, Ill.

5:30 p.m. EDT: Vice President Pence participates in an National Republican Senatorial Committee event in West Virginia. He then heads back to Washington, D.C.

7:05 p.m. EDT: President Trump gets back to the White House.



10 a.m. EDT: Vice President Pence speaks at the Ministerial to Advance Religious Freedom at the State Department.

12:30 p.m. EDT: President Trump participates in a roundtable in Peosta, Iowa. He then heads to Granite City, Ill. Livestream:

3:15 p.m. EDT: Vice President Pence speaks about tax cuts at an event in Wheeling, W.Va. Livestream:

3:40 p.m. EDT: President Trump delivers remarks on trade in Granite City, Ill. Livestream:

4:10 p.m. EDT: Secretary of State Mike PompeoMichael (Mike) Richard PompeoThe Hill's Morning Report — Washington readies for Mueller end game 2020 Dems avoid this year's AIPAC conference Pompeo says it's 'possible' God planned Trump to save Jewish people MORE is holding a news conference on religious freedom. Livestream:



Today is National Chili Dog Day. It's also National Coffee Milkshake Day.


Too. Far.:

Via NBC's Maggie Fox, "A mind-controlling parasite found in cat feces may give people the courage they need to become entrepreneurs, researchers reported Tuesday. They found that people who have been infected with the Toxoplasma gondii parasite are more likely to major in business and to have started their own businesses than non-infected people."


And because you made it to the end, here's a fully-grown golden retriever who is too scared to take the escalator. His owner's reaction is pretty great: