Colbert compares Kavanaugh report to nuclear codes: But 'they've given the launch codes to an idiot’

Late night host Stephen Colbert mocked the strict protocol surrounding the FBI report on the sexual misconduct allegations against Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh, saying it is being treated with the seriousness of the nuclear launch codes.

“But then I remember that they’ve given the launch codes to an idiot,” Colbert said of President TrumpDonald John TrumpLev Parnas implicates Rick Perry, says Giuliani had him pressure Ukraine to announce Biden probe Saudi Arabia paid 0 million for cost of US troops in area Parnas claims ex-Trump attorney visited him in jail, asked him to sacrifice himself for president MORE on Thursday night.


Colbert was commenting to the conclusion of a supplemental FBI investigation into Kavanaugh following allegations made by three women of sexual misconduct.

The confidential report, which is an estimated to be around 1,000 pages long, was made available to senators on Thursday.

The two parties were reportedly given one physical copy of the report that could only be read inside a sensitive compartmented information facility (SCIF) in the Capitol Visitor Center.

Colbert also compared the secure location to a “Harry Potter” book, calling it “Brett Kavanaugh and the Chamber of Secrets.”

The two parties were trading one-hour shifts for the 100 senators to go in and read the document.

“They’re acting like divorced parents,” Colbert joked, pretending to summon the report like a child. “‘Damnit Sharon, you had the report last week. We’re going to paintball.’”

The White House said that the bureau contacted 10 individuals throughout the course of the supplementary investigation. 

The FBI did not investigate Kavanaugh’s alleged excessive drinking, despite two of the alleged assaults happening when Kavanaugh was in a drunken state.

“That’s like investigating an arson and saying ‘we’re not really looking into the fire part, we’re  more wondering how this building disappeared over here,’” Colbert said.

“’Was it wizards, did they use mirrors? Haul in David Cooperfield for questioning,’” the host ducked below the camera as the audience laughed. “What? He’s disappeared.”