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What concession remarks from Donald Trump could sound like

What concession remarks from Donald Trump could sound like
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My fellow Americans, with great humility I congratulate Joe Biden on winning a hard-fought election. I ask you to join me in praying for his success. And speaking of praying, as we enter a new and uncertain future, I hope you will join me every Sunday morning on my new Preach TV (A subsidiary of Trump News Network. Call your cable provider today).

We live in a closely divided country. So close, that I almost beat Joe. Actually, I did beat him – if you do not count ballots cast by dead relatives of Philadelphia Democrat party bosses, coyote smugglers, Chinese cyber-hackers and Nancy Pelosi’s unregistered grandchildren. But who is counting?

I will soon return to private life. I will continue the honorable tradition that has been set by my predecessors and organize an undisclosed super political action committee to troll my successor. Please contribute whatever you can - $5, $15, even $25 - and receive your limited edition Trump presidential inaugural 2021 lapel pin.

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As I look back on the past four years, I am reminded of so many achievements. So many. And you can be reminded as well by proudly displaying your Abraham Accord Commemorative Wall Map of the Middle East; your Border-Wall snow globe; your complete set of six Supreme Court Justice Christmas Tree ornaments. Just go to Trump-tchotchkes.com.

You know, on January 11, 1989 Ronald Reagan (much overrated, that I can tell you) gave his farewell address. He spoke of peering through the windows of the White House residence, where the President and his family/senior staff live. He would gaze over the White House grounds, to the Washington Monument, then the Mall and the Jefferson Memorial. On clear days, he said he could see into Virginia, as far away as the Bull Run battlefield, where Lincoln saw smoke rise on the day the south defeated the north in the Revolutionary War of 1812.

Well, I see more prosaic things in the residence. I see Sean Hannity amd Tucker Carlson on my 60 inch screen in the Lincoln Bedroom. And speaking of Sean and Tucker, I am pleased to announce that they will be joining my new digital media property, “TRUMP TV!” which will soon overtake the Failing-Fox-News in the ratings. Not since The Apprentice Season 1 Finale have we seen such powerful programming: “Trump Tonight”, “Hannity and Trump”, “Trump & Tucker” and “The MAGA Morning Show with Jared and Ivanka!” and “Judge Rudy.” (For advertising rates, contact Executive Vice President for Sales, Kayleigh McEnany.)

I take leave of the burdens of the presidency and return to the simple but honorable work as your fellow citizen. Perhaps we will cross paths during my post-presidential solitude at the Trump International Hotel in Washington, the Trump National Doral; the Trump Turnberry in Scotland. (If you book now, use the promotional code MAGA24 for a half-price breakfast voucher. This offer excludes Marco Rubio, Ted Cruz, Niki Haley or any other candidate making pilgrimages to Mar-A-Lago to seek my endorsement in 2024. Pay for your own damned waffles, losers.)

If you know me, you realize that this decision has not been easy. Not since Lincoln -arguably a fairly decisive guy – has any President had to make a call like this. But when the Office of Management and Budget actually crunched the numbers, it became kind of a no-brainer. I mean, no wonder I fell almost 80 spots on the Forbes 400. You can’t really make a lot of money as president. Until you are a former president.

And so, with the grace of God and faith in our future, I bid you farewell. I, Donald TrumpDonald John TrumpVenezuela judge orders prison time for 6 American oil executives Trump says he'll leave White House if Biden declared winner of Electoral College The Memo: Biden faces tough road on pledge to heal nation MORE hereby make this concession. And speaking of concessions, wait till you visit the hot dog stands at the Trump Presidential Library and Seaquarium in Miami.

Steve Israel represented New York in the House over eight terms and was chairman with the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee from 2011 to 2015. He is now the director of the Institute of Politics and Global Affairs at Cornell University. You can follow his updates @RepSteveIsrael.