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What concession remarks from Donald Trump could sound like

What concession remarks from Donald Trump could sound like
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My fellow Americans, it is with humility that I congratulate Joe Biden for his victory in the close election. So I ask you to join me in praying for his success. Speaking of praying, as we enter a new and uncertain future, I hope you will tune in every Sunday to Preach Television, a subsidiary of Trump News Network. Call your cable provider to subscribe today.

We live in a divided country where I almost beat Biden. But I did beat him if you do not include those ballots cast by dead relatives for Philadelphia Democraitc Party bosses, coyote smugglers, Chinese cyberhackers, and unregistered grandchildren of Nancy Pelosi. But who is counting?

I will soon return to private life and continue the honorable traditions set by former candidates and establish an undisclosed super political action committee to troll my successor. As I reflect on the past four years, I am reminded of all my achievements. You can also be reminded by proudly displaying your Abraham Accords memorable maps for the Middle East, your border wall snow globe, and your set of six Supreme Court justice ornaments. Just visit my campaign website for all this and more.

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When Ronald Reagan gave his farewell address, he spoke of focusing out through the windows of the White House residence, where the president and his family live. He would gaze at the Washington Monument then the National Mall and the Jefferson Memorial. On clear days, he said he could stare into Virginia, as far away as the Bull Run battlefield, where Abraham Lincoln saw smoke rise on the day the south defeated the north.

I see more prosaic things. I see Sean Hannity and Tucker Carlson on my flatscreen in the bedroom. Speaking of them, I am pleased to announce that they will be joining my great digital media property, which will soon overtake the failing Fox News in the cable ratings. For advertising prices, contact Kayleigh McEnany, our executive vice president for sales.

I take leave of the burdens for the White House and return to the simple but honorable work as your fellow citizen. Maybe we would cross paths amidst the solitude at the Trump International Hotel in Washington, the Trump National Doral Miami, or the Trump Turnberry Resort in Scotland. You will receive a discount for breakfast if you book a trip now. The deal excludes Marco Rubio, Niki Haley, or any other candidates who will visit me in Florida for an endorsement when they all compete in 2024.

If you know me then you realize that this decision has not been easy. Not since Lincoln has any president had to make a call like this. But when the Office of Management and Budget crunched the numbers, it turned into an easy decision. No wonder I fell almost 80 spots in Forbes. You cannot make money as president. But you sure can as a former president.

So with the grace of God and faith in our future I bid you farewell. I hereby make this official concession. Speaking of concessions, just wait until you visit the burger stands at the Trump Presidential Library in Miami.

Steve Israel represented New York in the House over eight terms and was chairman with the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee from 2011 to 2015. He is now the director of the Institute of Politics and Global Affairs at Cornell University. You can follow his updates @RepSteveIsrael.